Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
