I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
