i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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