i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
