If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
