Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
