You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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