the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
