You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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