I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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