I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
