Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
