Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
