There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No subtext here. People are naked.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
