I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize