Fine. I'll sleep in my office
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
