WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
