her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
