from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
