Why are handjobs necessary in class?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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