This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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