Heybabeimwearingurpanties
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
