shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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