I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
