I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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