Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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