The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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