Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
