get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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