this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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