Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
