i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
