Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
