In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize