Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
