it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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