dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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