I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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