were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
