thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
