I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
