This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
