My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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