Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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