What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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