did you get engaged???
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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