walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
