My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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