She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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