Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize