I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
