According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
