WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
