I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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