Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
