Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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