my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
