Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My room smells like vodka and shame
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
