Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize