chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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