in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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