dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
