all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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