I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
