I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
