At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
