yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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